Originally posted at Desperately Seeking Sanity on October 13, 2008

Today, I attended the funeral of a man that was on fire for God.  It was obvious and he was the nicest man that I’ve ever met.  He always smiled and up until his last breath, he was telling others about Jesus Christ.

I didn’t know this man for very long, although at age 90, he’d touched many lives, mine included.

He greeted us at the door on Sunday mornings, wearing vibrant colored ties and jackets.  He always had a smile.  He had a way of making you feel welcome.

The message that was delivered had the title of this blog post, “Death is real and we have an appointment with it.”

We do.  We’re all going to die.  We may not know when, but we’re all going to die.

I’m not afraid of death, the death that this man had encountered last Thursday.  That death, I’m okay with.  It means that I have fulfilled the purpose that the Lord intended for me and I’m going home.  I’m cool with that.

What I am afraid of is a spiritual death, one that removes me far from my walk with the Lord and unfortuantly, it’s all to easy to flirt with that death.

As I listened to those that knew him far longer than I did, telling those in the sanctuary what he did in his life, what he accomplished and the lives he touched, I was planning my own funeral.

Morbid, I know.  Incredibly morbid, but something that I think I needed to ponder today.  In a society where we get so wrapped up in the World and not the Word, I need to determine what people will say about me when I’m laying in a casket, on display, and people are paying their last respects.

I want people to talk about the mother I am.  I want people to admire the way that I lived my life.  I want people to talk about my heart for God, my walk with the Lord, my passion for Christ.

I want people to say that I’ve made a difference in their lives.  I want to know that when I get to Heaven, there are going to be people there that I influenced even though I never met them face to face.

It’s a tall order.  I need to work on something and get some things straight.  I need to start LISTENING to God, because He’s talking to me, but I’m too busy to listen.  I’m in my own little world, doing what I want to do and will do so until I get “caught” and go running back like a dog with my tail between my legs.

I know that He’ll scoop me up, just like the father that He is, and forgive me and let me start over, but why do I have to let it get to that point?

Yesterday, when I said things were on the up and up?  They are!  Things are good.  Things are where I want them to be.  But are they where He wants them to be?

With on thing that’s going on, I believe beyond a shadow of a doubt that it is.  I know that I am exactly where I’m supposed to be.  However, there are other things going on in my life that I know are not where He wants me to be, but it’s where I want to be.

And I know that.  I knew it going it, yet I still did what I wanted to do.  But I don’t want to walk away.  I don’t want to.  I’m kicking and screaming.

And much like we learned yesterday in church, when Pharaoh asked Moses to pray for the frogs who had invaded everything to go away and Moses asked when, Pharaoh responded with “Tomorrow”.

Tomorrow?  I would want the frogs gone TODAY.  But the frogs in my life?  I’m right up there with the Pharoh.  Tomorrow.

Now I understand where Pharaoh was coming from.

The problem is, we’re not guaranteed tomorrow.  We’re only guaranteed today.

And if my funeral was tomorrow, while there would be niceties as I’m not a horrible person, there would be frogs all over the place.

And at my funeral, I don’t want frogs.

So I’m off to contemplate a little more and spend some time with the Lord.

He deserves to hear from me more than He has been.